A Highly Predictable Lily/James Story
by Henna Black
Summary: Hmm. What can I say? A L/J MWPP faction. The title says it all really. First chapter of quite a few I think. PLease R/R.
1. A Higly Predictable Lily/James Fic: Part...

  
A/N A very short Lily/James faction. Will turn into a series. It's one of those really predictable kinds. I won't say anymore, but just so you know I don't hold anything against those predictable types of faction, but I thought it would be fun to take the piss of them.  
  
I'd like to say a big thankyou to my wonderful beta-reader and all time best friend, Little Witch. Thankyou Amy!!!  
  
A Highly Predictable Lily/James Fic  
  
  
It was Lily Evans sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, she was fifteen and she had never had a boyfriend. It wasn't that she didn't have boys hounding after her, oh no, quite the contrary. About fifty had asked her to accompany her to the last ball, and she had finally settled for quite a good looking Ravenclaw fifth year called Joshua Wilkes.  
  
Lily led a fairly normal life, she had quite a few friends, and a fair few enemies too. Her friends were, of course, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew and two girls called Rosie Wilson and Henna Rhana whom the author of this story just made up. Her enemies were (I bet you can predict them!) James Potter (of course) and Severus Snape and his cronies.  
  
She excelled in Charms and detested potions. She and the 'Marauders' were always playing tricks on poor unsuspecting lowlifes such as Severus Snape, (yet can we take pity on him?).  
  
Much as she detested James Potter, they somehow always ended up doing stuff together. For some strange reason, she was always partnered with him in potions and when the senior teachers thought up some incredibly difficult project for the students to undertake, she was somehow always miraculously partnered with him. Strange isn't it?  
  
It was a fine, sunny day in the month of May, and Sirius (as mad as ever) declared that they should go gathering nuts.  
  
"But Sirius, why would we want to go gathering nuts in May?" Henna asked.  
  
"So we can sing the song of course." Sirius replied as if this was the most normal thing to do.  
  
"Sirius, sometimes I think you need to see a psychiatrist." Lily said laughing and tapping him on his head."  
  
"Well if you insist," Remus said, and he made Sirius lie down on one of the sofa's, he himself sat in a big armchair. He then began to quiz Sirius.  
  
"Sirius. Were you ever dropped on your head as a child?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Sirius. Do you swear to tell the truth throughout this interrogation?"  
  
"No...wait a moment, yes...no, and that ain't no lie!"  
  
"Okay. I'm going to say a word. I want you to tell me the first word that comes into your head, okay?"  
  
Sirius nodded in understanding.  
  
"Good." said Remus, "Ready?"  
  
Sirius nodded again.  
  
"Home-" Remus said.  
  
"And Away." Sirius replied.  
  
"Apple-"  
  
"Pie." Sirius replied.  
  
"James-"  
  
"Idiot."  
  
"Henna-"  
  
"Sex." Everyone stared at him. "Oops. Did I say that out aloud?"  
  
Everyone nodded.  
  
"Oh well." Sirius said. The others were amazed. He had just revealed a highly embarrassing secret and he didn't seem to care.  
  
"Soooo. Everybody. What sort of mischief shall we make tonight?" Sirius asked.  
  
"We could make the water in the lake pink." Lily said.  
  
"How?" Rosie asked.  
  
"Well you get your wand, point it at the lake, and say 'fungusdidiliungus.'" Lily said.  
  
"Cool. Lets go paint the lake pink." Remus said  
  
"Shouldn't that be paint the town red?" Henna asked.  
  
"Well, firstly, we're not painting the town, and secondly we're not painting it red." James said.  
  
About two hours later, Sirius, Remus, James, Peter, Lily, Henna and Rosie were all covered by the invisibility cloak. How had they managed the amazing feat of managing to cover seven people at the same time? Well, I'm not going to tell you, but I'm sure you're all clever enough to realise that they used an engorgement charm.  
  
When they had reached the lake, they threw off the cloak, because it was so dark no one could see anyway. Lily pointed her wand at the lake and said "fungusdidiliungus." The lake turned a violent shade of pink. Then the marauders performed the ritual marauding song. (Sang to the tune 'Congratulations and Celebrations')  
  
"We're the Marauders,  
We are superior,  
To everybody else's  
Inferiority's.  
  
We're the Marauders,  
There are just seven of us,  
We always get up to the  
worst tricks imaginable!"  
  
They saluted to the sky and then marched back into the castle (not forgetting to put the cloak back on.)  
  
***  
  
About two weeks after the lake incident (they hadn't received detention much to Sirius' disappointment.), it was the start of the Summer holidays.   
  
Then the train pulled up at the station, everyone climbed off and slowly, the crowd dispersed. Soon the only people left on the platform were Lily and James.  
  
Soon, Lily's Mum arrived. Lily flew over to her and hugged her.  
  
"Lily! Darling, how are you?"   
  
"I'm fine Mum."  
  
"That's good, dear." Lily's Mum, Jasmine, then turned her attentions to James.  
  
"Hello. Are you James Potter?" she asked.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Hello. I'm Jasmine Evans. Lily's Mother. I received a letter from your Mother last week asking if you could come and stay with us during the holidays. Unfortunately your mother and father can not have you and for some reason they didn't want you staying at Sirius Black's house, because there you would be under the bad influence of him."  
  
"MUM! He can't stay with us!" Lily exclaimed indignantly.  
  
"I'm afraid he's going to have to." Lily's Mum said.  
  
They all got into the Evans's car and Lily's mum drove them home. On the way to Lily's home (Birmingham) they stopped at quite a number of fast-food restaurants, mainly, Pizza Hut, Kentucky Fried Chicken and McDonalds.  
  
Lily then announced that she knew a song about fast food restaurants, and began to sing.  
  
"A pizza hut, a pizza hut,  
Kentucky Fried Chicken  
And a pizza hut  
McDonalds, McDonalds,  
Kentucky fried chicken and a pizza hut."  
  
They were in Sutton Coldfield (an area of Birmingham, almost at Lily's house.), and three cars drove past the window. Firstly came a Mini, then a Ford Escort and finally a Ferrari. Lily then announced that she also knew a song about cars. She began to sing.  
  
"A ford escort, a ford escort,  
Mini, mini, mini, mini  
and a ford escort  
Ferrari, Ferrari,  
Mini, Mini, Mini, Mini  
And a ford escort."  
  
Finally they reached Hall Green (where Lily's house was) and climbed out of the car. Petunia and Lily's Father were waiting in the drive. Lily rushed over to her father and gave him a great big hug.  
  
I wish it were me Lily was hugging. James thought, then why the hell did I just think that?  
  
Somehow, the two of them survived the holidays, and even surpassed themselves to be quite pleasant to each other. When they arrived back at Hogwarts, their friends were amazed to see that they hadn't, injured, maimed or killed each other. Of course, as soon as Sirius saw this, he started calling them 'Mr and Mrs Potter', which they both hated. So they turned Sirius into a jellyfish, and put him into a jar. Henna, taking pity on Sirius took him up to the hospital wing, and so as not to get Lily and James in trouble, she blamed it on Snape, which was quite believable as he hated Sirius.  
  
The next two weeks passed without event. Lily and James' friends were amazed at the change that had taken place between them. They actually seemed to like each other now. Of course, they still fought, but now it wasn't as raucous as it had been. Instead of hurling hexes at each other, they hurled insults at each other. One could even go as far to say that they had become friends.  
  
The next big excitement happened a month later. At dinner one day, Dumbledore made an announcement.  
  
"As many of you will already know, it is Halloween in three weeks time on the 31st of October. Now, Hogwarts never usually does anything extravagant for Halloween, but we have had many requests for a Halloween Ball this year. I have considered this, and decided that we shall hold a ball." He was interrupted here by a multitude of talking and shouting. He held up his hands and slowly the hall became silent.  
  
"Now. The ball is to be held on the 31st of October at seven o' clock. Partner pairings must be boy/girl only-" when he'd said this, two Slytherins by the names of Dennis Paterson and Henry George moaned in protest. "As I was saying," Dumbledore continued, "pairings must be boy/girl only and the ball is only open to those in third year and above. The dress code will be very relaxed. You do not have to wear dress robes, but you must wear formal clothes. There will be an open day on the 20th October in which you can travel into Hogsmeade or a neighbouring Muggle village to purchase clothes. Now, I think that's it. Er, get back to your meal." Dumbledore sat down.  
  
Immediately a surfboard of talking broke the wave of silence. All around the room voices could be heard saying, "hey, want to go to the ball with me" and replies of "yeah sure," or, "get lost loser".  
  
After dinner, everyone returned to their common rooms. Rosie, Henna and Lily sat down in one corner and discussed who they were hoping would ask them to the ball.  
  
Henna hoped that Sirius would ask her, and Rosie hoped that Remus would ask her. Lily didn't know who she hoped would ask her, but Rosie and Henna hoped that James would ask her.  
  
On the opposite side of the common room, James, Sirius, Remus and Peter were also discussing who they were going to ask to the ball.  
  
Sirius had decided that he would ask Henna. Remus decided that he would ask Rosie. Peter decided that he would ask Nancy Abbott, (a Gryffindor fifth year). Remus, Sirius and Peter decided that James would ask Lily to the ball. At first James protested, but he soon changed his mind when they began to list her many attributes. They decided that they would ask the girls tomorrow. Sirius made a bet with Remus that James would chicken out of asking Lily to the ball.  
  
The next day, Sirius caught up with Henna and asked her to the ball. She of course agreed. After lunch, Remus asked Rosie, and she agreed also. Peter had a little trouble finding Nancy, and when he did, she refused to go to the ball with Peter. Peter was upset, but with a little coaxing from Sirius and Remus, Nancy changed her mind. James still hadn't asked Lily by dinner, and Sirius looked hopeful in winning a galleon off Remus.  
  
At five to midnight, James still hadn't asked Lily, and Remus and Sirius were teasing him unmercifully.  
  
He eventually got sick of this, and so plucked up the courage to ask her. After all, she could only say no. The common room was empty apart from Rosie, Henna, Lily, Sirius, Remus, Peter and James. The girls were sitting on one side of the room flicking through a teen magazine, and the boys were on the other side playing chess.  
  
"Hey Lily," James called. Lily looked up from the article "how to bag that boy", and shouted back "What?"  
  
"Want to go to the ball with me?" he called.  
  
"Well -"  
  
A/N: A cliffie! I'm evil! Of course, you know what will happen next, don't you? Or do you? The next part will hopefully be up quite soon, as I am on my hols! Thank the great lord for half term! One more day of Macbeth and I would have died! Okay, now, my best friend, Amy (known to you as Little Witch), is here while I am writing this, and she want's to add her own note.  
  
Little Witch's A/N: Heya peeps! As Henna's already told you, I am her best friend and beta-reader. I agree with her on the Macbeth thing. Is anyone else out there doing Macbeth for SATS? How do you cope? I am dieing under the strain! But that's not what I'm here to talk about. Now. Those of you who are eagerly awaiting the next part to "When Lily met Harry", hopefully it should be up within the next day or two. You see, Henna's at my house (and has been for the last two days) and she's stopping at my house until the end of the week (how will I survive?) anyway, since she's been here, I haven't been able to get near the PC, she's brought all her floppy discs and insisted on finishing her own story. So I haven't had a chance. But! There is a light at the end of the tunnel! She has promised me access to the PC after this story has been posted. So fear not my fellow fan-fiction buddies, When Lily met Harry is almost there!  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. A Highly Predictable Lily/James Fic: Par...

A/N Hello my fellow fan fiction buddies! I have had writer's block for absolutely ages, but after watching an episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch, I got some inspiration. I hope you like it! I know that I have used some modern things in this story (songs movies etc) so don't bother telling me!  
  
This fic is written in honour of Comic Relief. Go red noses!  
  
A Highly Predictable Lily/James Fic  
  
"Well-" Lily said again, "'m not going with anyone yet, sooo, okay!"  
  
"Great," James said, a small smile playing on his lips.  
  
After that everyone went to bed.  
  
The next two weeks passed quite quickly, with many people asking others to the dance. Lily got asked by a lot of people, worst of all, Severus Snape. She was disgusted to find that Severus "Slimeball" Snape had a crush on her.  
  
On the 20th of the month, as you already know if you remember from last time, it was an open day when the students of Hogwarts could go and buy clothes to wear to the dance.  
  
Again, as you already know, they were allowed to go to either Hogsmeade or a neighbouring Muggle village. Lily, Henna and Rosie decided to go to Sutton Coldfield town centre, which was neither Hogsmeade nor a neighbouring Muggle village, but regardless of the rules as they were, they didn't care.  
  
They used Floo-powder to get there and stepped out of a fire in the back room of Druckers Patisserie. They walked as casually as they could through Druckers, trying not to attract any attention, which they didn't manage, because who wouldn't notice three beautiful, vivacious teenagers?  
  
Although it was only October, all the customers of Druckers were wearing red noses, in aid of comic relief, or red nose day as it is more popularly known. Blaring out of the antique speakers at the back of the shop was the re-done-by-westlife-absolutely-rubbish-version-of-uptown-girl. Because all three girls detested Westlife and all their songs (I mean how many cover versions have they had?), they hurried out of Druckers as quickly as they possibly could.  
  
They decided to look around the clothes shops then, seeing as that was why they had come in the first place. They shopped non-stop for the next three hours, and when that time was up, they had all bought some clothes.  
  
They were all pleased with their purchases, so went back into Druckers to use the fire. Surprisingly, Uptown Girl was still playing on the stereo, and they had just announced that it had reached number one in the Pepsi Chart on BRMB! The girls could not see how this was at all possible as every member of Westlife were ugly, especially Mark "fishlips".  
  
Henna sprinkled some floo powder into the fire and the three girls stepped through it each shouting "Gryffindor Common Room". They couldn't wait to get away from the annoying lyrics of Uptown Girl. When they arrived back in the common room, they found that no-one else was there. So they sat down and waited for everybody to arrive back. Annoyingly, though not surprisingly, Lily found that the words of Uptown Girl were running through her head. Uptown Girl, she's been living in her uptown world, I bet she's never had a backstreet guy, I bet her mama never told her why.  
  
"Stop it!" Lily cried out loudly.  
  
"Stop what?" said a voice from behind her. She jumped and looked around.  
  
"Sirius! Don't do that!"  
  
"Stop what?" he repeated again.  
  
"The lyrics of Uptown Girl keep repeating themselves over and over again in my head." Lily said, "it's really annoying!"  
  
"I know what you mean!" Rosie said, "the lyrics keep running through my head too! Stupid Westlife!"  
  
"Well, it's all for a good cause." James said reasonably, "red nose day rocks!"  
  
"Yeah I suppose, but I mean they could have chosen a better song!" Henna exclaimed.  
  
***  
  
Not much happened in the next ten days before the ball, although Sirius did set McGonagall's hair on fire.  
  
On the 31st, the day of the dance, it was a Saturday, so there were no classes and plenty of time to get ready.  
  
At five thirty, an hour and a half before the dance was to start, the girls went up to their dorm to get ready.  
  
They got ready, and at quarter to seven went down the stairs. The boys weren't there yet, so they sat down and tried not to mess up their hair or make up.  
  
Ten minutes later, Sirius, Remus and James came down (Peter had already gone to meet his date). Sirius was wearing leather *Sirius in leather! Yay!* trousers, and a white T-shirt. James was wearing blue jeans and a white T-shirt, and Remus was wearing black trousers and a white T-shirt. When they saw the girls, their mouths fell open in surprise (as usual!), though this was to be expected as the girls did look pretty stunning.  
  
Lily was wearing a long close fitting strapless white dress, with a split in the side. On her feet she wore dainty white sandals, and her hair was left flowing over her shoulders. Henna was wearing a very short red dress and thigh length red platform boots. Her hair was tied up in a high pony tail. Rosie was wearing a lilac dress made of a satin material. The bodice was tight fitting and low cut, but the skirt flared out. She had piled her hair onto the top of her head, letting a few caramel curls fall over her face.  
  
The boys each took the arm of the girl they were escorting to the dance, and escorted them.  
  
Now, shall we listen in on the couples conversations? I think we should. Firstly, Henna and Sirius.  
  
***  
  
"Henna?" Sirius asked.  
  
"What?" Henna replied.  
  
"If you saw me walking down the street, staring at the sky and dragging my feet, would you just pass me by? Would you miss my cry? Even though you could make me whole again?" Sirius said.  
  
"Of course not, stupid," replied Henna.  
  
***  
  
Secondly, Remus and Rosie.  
  
"Rosie, can I ask you a question?"  
  
"Sure," Rosie said smiling, "fire away."  
  
"Well, what would you say if I told you that I was a wild thing? That I could make your heart sing? That I could make everything groovy?"  
  
"I'd say Wild thing I think I love you!" Rosie exclaimed.  
  
***  
  
And finally, Lily and James.  
  
"Lily, I hate you so much right now, I hate you so much right now!" James said.  
  
"Okay, okay, I already know that, but I think you're caught out there, and I'm so sick of your games, James." Lily replied.  
  
"I still hate you so much right now!" James said.  
  
***  
  
Finally they reached the great hall. The dance was about to start, and to Lily's, Rosie's and Henna's horror, it was opened by Westlife and Uptown Girl. They refused to dance to it, just like many other couples. When it was almost the end of the song (she'll say I'm not so tough, just because I'm in love...), the whole dance floor had cleared, and many people were being sick in the punch bowls.  
  
Dumbledore could see that the dance was not going to be a success if Westlife kept on playing, so he sent them back to the year 2001, and magicked a massive stereo system onto the stage instead. The stereo system began to play good songs, and people stopped being sick and got up to dance.  
  
About half-way through the dance, Lily and James went to sit outside.  
  
They sat on a bench, and talked for a bit. After a while, Lily began to shiver, after all, her dress was strapless and it was October. Very un-subtly, James put his arms around her, and when he did, lightning shaped sparks flew over them.  
  
They sat there that way for a few minutes, then James leaned over to kiss Lily. His lips met hers, and a flow of electricity passed between them. More sparks flew overhead, and when they pulled away from their kiss, Lily found herself staring at a frog. Then, without any warning she felt herself being lifted off the ground and transported somewhere. It made her feel dizzy, as if she was using Floo powder.  
  
She landed with a thump in a place that looked like a doctors surgery, but with lots of doors.  
  
Next to her was the James-Frog. She stood up shakily, wondering what had happened. As if to answer her unasked question a lady, with blonde hair pulled back in a bun, and Dame Edna style glasses walked into the room.  
  
"Ah, Lily Evans, I've been expecting you." she said, "Good evening. I am Dr. Slater. I take it that this is James Potter?"  
  
Lily nodded, then asked a question.  
  
"Where am I, how did I get here, and why is James a frog?" I know I said a question, but Lily's tongue ran away with her.  
  
"First things first," said Dr. Slater, "you are at the love clinic. Secondly, you came here because you need my help, and thirdly James is a frog because he kissed you."  
  
"But why would he turn into a frog just because he kissed me?" Lily asked.  
  
"Because what you have is special, there were sparks flying, surely that tells you something?" Dr Slater replied.  
  
"Okay," Lily said slowly, "but how do I change him back?"  
  
"Well, you must prove that what you have together is true love by undergoing three tests. If you should fail any of the tests at any time, you too will be turned into a frog."  
  
"Well that doesn't seem fair! I didn't even like him five months ago!" Lily exclaimed.  
  
"Well dear, as someone once said, life isn't fair. Now, are you ready to take the first test?" Dr Slater said.  
  
"I suppose. What do I have to do?" Lily replied.  
  
"Go through that door. You'll see what to do when you get there." Dr Slater explained.  
  
Lily took a deep breath and walked through door number one, wondering what was on the other side.  
  
A/N I know, lame place to stop, but I don't feel like writing any more today. Sorry if this was a bit crappified. And sorry for the long delay in it being posted. And I'm also deeply sorry to those people who like Westlife and who feel offended by the content of this story. It's just that I'm peed off that they got to number one over Shaggy, so I thought I'd take it out on this poor unsuspecting fic. Once again I'm sorry to all those poor people who actually like Westlife. Okay, now for all the disclaimer rubbish:  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from the Harry Potter Books, though I wish I did. I don't own Westlife or Uptown Girl and I'm glad I don't. I don't own Whole Again by Atomic Kitten, Wild Thing by The Troggs or Caught Out There by Kelis. I don't own Druckers or Sutton Town Centre.  
  
Claimer: I own James-Frog and Dr Slater. Henna is based on me. Rosie is based on a friend. I belong to myself and Rosie (who isn't called Rosie in real life) belongs to herself.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Friendship, fidelity, faith  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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